I suck.

I'm having the first (only?) hard day of pregnancy so far. This is the worst I have felt, physically and emotionally. I just want to vent about it a moment because I am really disappointed in myself, and because I want to have an accurate record of how things really were. I want to look back and see accurately that for the most part things have been pretty good, with dark spots being the exception rather than the rule. I am only 12.5 weeks along, and though I have been super nauseous every day since before Christmas, I haven't thrown up and can mostly function. Today I thankfully didn't throw up, but for the first time I was unable to take my daily 30 minute walk before work. I was just too nauseous to walk any more than absolutely necessary. I was tired, too, because I have been going to bed early this past week, but last night was up til 9:30. I know, life on the wild side, right? I just feel so disappointed in myself for not maintiaining that minimal amount of activity. On top of this, I had a bad day at work. Nothing seemed to go right. Emails from unhappy people, a computer that wouldn't start, being behind on a project.... Finally I did the unthinkable and snapped at a coworker. One that I really like a lot, too. :( instant regret. I thought "maybe he didn't notice that I tried to bite his head off..." no. He noticed. He mentioned that I have had a sharpness to my voice. As in not just today, but lately. :( oh God, have I been snapping at people this whole time and I didn't even know it? I feel like a crummy person. Everyone is cutting me slack since I am pregnant, which is super kind of them, but I don't want to turn into an unkind person. I feel awful physically and emotionally. I just need to hope that tomorrow is better. In general I am very, very happy with my life. I am so blessed, and so excited about the future. Just for today, though, I really suck.

Clutter brag

I just have to say that I spent about 45 minutes getting rid of a medium sized bag of PAPER. Yes, that is right. They were miscellaneous papers, mostly from Library School. I kept some assignments that I had completed and some syllabi, but said goodbye to most of the articles that I had printed, and tons and tons of powerpoint printouts. I had been keeping them partly for sentimental reasons, and partly because I have this fear of "what if I lose my job, and I have to find another job, and I have to review my old notes from library school on Digital Libraries, User Instruction, Information Technology..."
Well, do you know what? I am a Librarian, gosh darn it! If I have to find information about any of those topics, I think I have the skills to locate more relevant, more timely articles! So take that, clutter! What is really sad is that if you know me at all and were to walk into my home, you wouldn't even know that a dent had been made in the clutter. That bag of paper might as well have been air for all the difference it made in how good my house looks. But *I* will know. I will know that today I took a step in the right direction to part with some things that I didn't really need. I have plenty of fond memories from library school without having to read the lecture notes. I am patting myself on the bag because I want to feel really good about what little thing I have done, so that next time I am sitting around thinking of what I should be doing, I can actually get the motivation to get up and de-clutter some more. So GO ME! *cheer*

Struggling with Stuff

I have been having a problem for quite awhile with not being able to get rid of sentimental things. Every gift, every reminder of a happy time, or a hard time that I made it through, or a person I care about... I just can't seem to part with them. I am in a place in my life (literally a place- a 2 bedroom condo) where I can't sustain this level of sentimentality. I have struggled with it, and with well-intentioned friends that insist on giving me more and more things. My friends are coming from a good place-- they care about me and they want to do a nice thing, and so they give me stuff. But what starts out as a great intention ends up as a sort of emotional shackle for me. I find it impossible to enjoy something for a little while and then let it go.
Today I read a great blog entry that I wanted to share here because I want to try to implement the baby step method, and I thought others might like to try as well. Here is a link to the blog: http://www.theminimalists.com/sentimental/
And here is a little excerpt that I am copying and pasting:

1. I am not my stuff. We are more than our possessions.
2. Our memories are not under our beds. Memories are within us, not within our things.
3. An item that is sentimental for us can be an item that is useful for someone else.
4. Holding on to stuff weighs on us mentally and emotionally. Letting go is freeing.
5. You can take pictures of items you want to remember.
6. Old photographs can be scanned... 
   
 

I hope others find this helpful, and I am open to more advice if anyone has some to offer! I am not trying to get rid of everything, I just need to reduce.

 

 

 

Potty Humor

Most of you should probably skip this post. I have a very immature sense of humor sometimes and I just had to have a record of a great moment in bathroom humor/geeky puns. Unless you are like me and have the mentality of a 12 year old boy, you probably won't want to keep reading. Consider yourself warned.

This weekend I was with my dear hubby and some friends playing a Star Trek RPG. We somehow got on the topic of Harry Potter when my husband excuses himself to go to the restroom. "I'm going to the Chamber of Secrets," he says. One friend makes a Goblet of Fire reference that I unfortunately can't recall. Someone else says "Careful not to drop the Sorcerer's Stone." Then I chime in, "I hope he doesn't leave any half-blood prints...."

I guess you had to be there, but we were all quite proud of ourselves. :D What can you expect from a bunch of grown people playing a Star Trek dice-rolling role playing game???

Happy New Year!

2012 was a good year in many ways, though it did have some very dark spots. I think that for me and my hubby, 2013 will be better and more interesting. I'm so glad he's enjoying his School Psych Internship. It should continue on until August or so. Then he will hopefully have a postdoc position, but even if he doesn't, he'll be out of school with his PhD.
I am not big on new year's resolutions, but I do have some things I'd like to do for fun this year. First up on the list is to see The Hobbit. I can't believe I still haven't seen it! I hope it's a good year for Frodo, too. His anxiety has been very problematic and it's unlikely that it will resolve. I think I'll be happy if it just doesn't get any worse.
I did get to go to a great New Year's Day get-together yesterday with some old friends and new friends from my karate school. I'm looking forward to getting to know people better. :) All-in-all things are good.