Another quick Lent thing and then I'll stop... ;)

In Mass yesterday the priest was urging us, for Holy Week, to perform one corporal act of mercy (here is a guide if you aren't sure about what those are, because I sure wasn't! http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/10198d.htm)
He mentioned that one thing you can do is free a prisoner. We were all a little puzzled I think, but he said you don't even have to set foot in a prison to free someone- you can free someone from the prison of your mind. My first thought was of Superman II for some reason, but I digress. If there is someone that you are holding a grudge with in your mind, you can take this opportunity to let that person go. Quit keeping them locked up in your mind with a little mental scorecard of all the ways they wronged you. I feel like this is a wonderful idea. There is someone I have been having a difficult time with in my every day life. I am going to try really hard this week to pardon her, to give her the benefit of the doubt, and to be merciful. She really doesn't need my judgment on top of everything else she is probably going through. I hope I can make it through Holy Week being more charitable towards her. I am blogging about it to keep myself accountable. I hope I can do it!

In unrelated news, I still haven't felt the baby move. I have felt a few little flutters that I can't identify. It could be baby movements, it could be stomach gurgles. I am getting anxious. Well, time will tell. Duty calls but I hope to come back later to blog about girl time with friends this weekend. Until then....

A Catholic Thing

Last night I went to a penance service to prepare for Holy Week. I hadn't been to confession in a few years. It usually surprises me how small the penance is for all the tons of stuff I've done wrong, but last night was especially striking. Have you ever had a penance that was so small that you wanted to ask for seconds? But that isn't how forgiveness works. The penance doesn't need to somehow outweigh or even balance all the sin. It's just funny how as a human I viewed the whole confession process last night as somewhat anticlimactic. I am so glad that I went. It's kind of like a really great workout--- I dread it and dread it and dread it, and then after it's done, I feel so great! Kinda the opposite of eating a giant meal of fast food... I look forward to it, and look forward to it, and then when it's done, I feel so yucky. Why??? Human nature is so weird! :)

In other news, looking forward to a good weekend with some girlfriends in addition to my usual weekend hanging-out activities. I'm starting to think more about how much life will change in a couple months. It's kind of surreal. I am so thankful to be so blessed with great friends, family, a great job, good health... I hope I can always appreciate it, even when things aren't going as well as they are now.

Well, better get my nose back to the grindstone. TGIF everyone!

Pregnancy Update

Feel free to skip this if you're not interested, of course, but I wanted to be able to look back and see what I was going through, so I am going to make some random observations about how pregnancy is going so far.

I am 18 weeks along-- almost half way and it really doesn't feel like it! The nausea has improved a lot, though there are still bad times here and there. I am still somewhat tired, but since I was always tired before I was pregnant, I don't think it's been too bad. What *is* surprising is how much 'pregnancy brain' has affected me. I always kind of thought that maybe pregnant people were exaggerating things a little. I figured hormones would certainly influence one's emotional volatility, but I didn't think the cognitive effects would be so dramatic. I really feel like a bimbo a lot of the time. Yesterday I misspelled the word 'they.' It just didn't look right for some reason, so I tried it the correct way, then I tried 'thay' and couldn't decide which was better. Luckily I snapped out of it. :)

I find it more difficult than usual to concentrate. Church has been especially difficult for concentration. Last Sunday I spent most of the homily thinking about baby names. :/ I feel a little guilty for that one, but it was better this week.

For the most part, I don't "feel" pregnant. I am gaining weight, and it mostly seems to be around my waist. I was overweight to begin with, so I'm only supposed to gain 15-20 pounds during the entire pregnancy. At my last visit I had only gained 3 pounds, so the NP told me to increase my calories (yay!), and by now I think I have gained a total of 7 or 8 pounds. So I am about half way there on the weight gain. My next appointment is on Frodo and Kenobi's birthday: April 1. It is a big appointment- the 20 week 'anatomy scan' (I will be at 21 weeks, I think, but whatevs). I am hoping my hubby can make it to the appointment with me. The NP said that is a good one for a SO to go to. There will be more measurements, a longer ultrasound, and who knows what else. I'm kind of excited. Last time I went they didn't do measurements because it was just a "gender scan", but the ultrasound tech did a quick informal measurement and everything was normal. Yay. :)

Last time, they wrote all over my charts "DOES NOT WANT TO KNOW GENDER" so they could all make sure they wouldn't tell me. Miraculously I still don't know the gender (though I have a good guess!), so I will also need to make sure I don't 'accidentally' find out the gender when I go back for the anatomy scan.

I do notice that physical activity exhausts me more quickly than it used to. I'm not sure how long I'll be able to keep up with my walking and my martial arts. Due to some extra duties at work, I have missed a couple of my morning walks. Yesterday I did some karate stuff on my own, just to practice, and although I didn't do much, I am very sore today. I noticed that my knees hurt a lot for the first time in a few months, so I think I'm getting to that point where I'll need to slow it down. I also have to pee frequently. I was amazed I was able to complete a 5K walk a couple weekends ago, because when I walk or jog on the treadmill at home, I usually have to take a pee break. The NP said I could keep up my usual activities with some modifications as long as I felt like I was able to do it. I think between the fatigue, need to pee, and joint soreness, I might be approaching my limit.

Hubby and I have also been looking at daycares. We have been to 3 so far, and we really liked one of the 3, but need to look at some others.

That's all for now, but thanks for reading, and have a great day!

Lent

I don't know why I am even blogging about this, but I guess it's sort of a confession. I gave up soda for lent on a spur of the moment decision. I knew I needed to cut back since I'm pregnant, and I know it's really bad for you in all sorts of ways, and I just lacked the determination to do it for myself. So I thought that as a Lenten sacrifice I could give it up. I am really, really struggling with it! Like, to a surprising extent. I actually don't know if I can do it. :/ I've tried switching to iced tea (half sweet, half unsweet), but I just really don't like tea. I like it better than water, otherwise I would just give up all together. I don't know if it is just my normal human weakness that makes me miss soda so much, or if it's a pregnancy craving. A lady I work with that is a vegan health nut told me that she had to drink a coke every day of her pregnancy. If she didn't get her coke, she would throw up. And she HATES coke. She thinks it's basically poison so she was really surprised at herself. I don't feel like I will die if I don't get it, but I feel like there is a whole in my heart that only soda can fill. Its absence affects my enjoyment of each meal. I guess that is what sacrifice is really about, but at this point I am wondering if I am strong enough to make it. I am sorely tempted to switch and give up something else instead. Or to start doing something else instead, maybe adding something to my daily routine. I guess I just needed to blog about it to get it off my chest. I feel like a very weak person right now!

So hungry!

So here is a little tidbit of what life is like these days. I'm 13.5 weeks along in the pregnancy, and the nausea, which is slightly better overall, is very bad today. But I am STARVING. I even stopped for McDonald's for breakfast before work this morning so that I wouldn't be as hungry as I was yesterday. But it is now 10:42 am and I've already eaten half of what I brought for lunch.
I am going to be 600 pounds for sure by the time this is over. :/

I suck.

I'm having the first (only?) hard day of pregnancy so far. This is the worst I have felt, physically and emotionally. I just want to vent about it a moment because I am really disappointed in myself, and because I want to have an accurate record of how things really were. I want to look back and see accurately that for the most part things have been pretty good, with dark spots being the exception rather than the rule. I am only 12.5 weeks along, and though I have been super nauseous every day since before Christmas, I haven't thrown up and can mostly function. Today I thankfully didn't throw up, but for the first time I was unable to take my daily 30 minute walk before work. I was just too nauseous to walk any more than absolutely necessary. I was tired, too, because I have been going to bed early this past week, but last night was up til 9:30. I know, life on the wild side, right? I just feel so disappointed in myself for not maintiaining that minimal amount of activity. On top of this, I had a bad day at work. Nothing seemed to go right. Emails from unhappy people, a computer that wouldn't start, being behind on a project.... Finally I did the unthinkable and snapped at a coworker. One that I really like a lot, too. :( instant regret. I thought "maybe he didn't notice that I tried to bite his head off..." no. He noticed. He mentioned that I have had a sharpness to my voice. As in not just today, but lately. :( oh God, have I been snapping at people this whole time and I didn't even know it? I feel like a crummy person. Everyone is cutting me slack since I am pregnant, which is super kind of them, but I don't want to turn into an unkind person. I feel awful physically and emotionally. I just need to hope that tomorrow is better. In general I am very, very happy with my life. I am so blessed, and so excited about the future. Just for today, though, I really suck.

Clutter brag

I just have to say that I spent about 45 minutes getting rid of a medium sized bag of PAPER. Yes, that is right. They were miscellaneous papers, mostly from Library School. I kept some assignments that I had completed and some syllabi, but said goodbye to most of the articles that I had printed, and tons and tons of powerpoint printouts. I had been keeping them partly for sentimental reasons, and partly because I have this fear of "what if I lose my job, and I have to find another job, and I have to review my old notes from library school on Digital Libraries, User Instruction, Information Technology..."
Well, do you know what? I am a Librarian, gosh darn it! If I have to find information about any of those topics, I think I have the skills to locate more relevant, more timely articles! So take that, clutter! What is really sad is that if you know me at all and were to walk into my home, you wouldn't even know that a dent had been made in the clutter. That bag of paper might as well have been air for all the difference it made in how good my house looks. But *I* will know. I will know that today I took a step in the right direction to part with some things that I didn't really need. I have plenty of fond memories from library school without having to read the lecture notes. I am patting myself on the bag because I want to feel really good about what little thing I have done, so that next time I am sitting around thinking of what I should be doing, I can actually get the motivation to get up and de-clutter some more. So GO ME! *cheer*